Wise Or Wacked?

Note: All “real men” answer “C” to multiple choice questions. Know this, and you will have come far in understanding men and enriching your own life.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs. Continue Reading »

REDMOND (BNN)–World leaders reacted with stunned silence as Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) conducted an underground nuclear test at a secret facility in eastern Washington state. The device, exploded at 9:22 am PDT (1622 GMT/12:22 pm EDT) today, was timed to coincide with talks between Microsoft and the US Department of Justice over possible antitrust action.

“Microsoft is going to defend its right to market its products by any and all necessary means,” said Microsoft CEO Bill Gates. “Not that I’m anti-government” he continued, “but there would be few tears shed in the computer industry if Washington were engulfed in a bath of nuclear fire.”

Scientists pegged the explosion at around 100 kilotons. “I nearly dropped my latte when I saw the seismometer” explained University of Washington geophysicist Dr. Whoops Blammover, “At first I thought it was Mt. Rainier, and I was thinking, damn, there goes the mountain bike vacation.” Continue Reading »

* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* All generalizations are false.
* Cover me.  I'm changing lanes.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Auntie Em,  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Continue Reading »

“I could never get away with that…  Hmmm. I guess you couldn’t either”.