Wise Or Wacked?

* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* All generalizations are false.
* Cover me.  I'm changing lanes.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Auntie Em,  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Continue Reading »

“I could never get away with that…  Hmmm. I guess you couldn’t either”.

Although we had great expectations, we have not seen all the change we voted for.  U.S. problems of government are structural.  Changing politicians results in mostly superficial changes in the condition of the electorate.

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee(n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted(adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate(v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade(v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly(adj.), impotent. Continue Reading »

Bikers can be very artistic people.  Just take a look at these:

This week, a million fraternity brothers rushed to join NASA. The reason:
scientists have discovered beer in space.

   Well, not beer exactly. But they did find alcohol: ethyl alcohol, to be
precise, the active ingredient in all major alcoholic drinks (antifreeze
Jell-O shots, quite obviously, are exempted from this category). Three
British scientists, Drs. Tom Millar, Geoffrey MacDonald and Rolf Habing,
discovered this interstellar Everclear floating in a gas cloud in the
contellation of Aquila (sign of the Eagle, the mascot of Anheuser-Busch!
Hmmmmm).

   Millar and his compatriots have estimated the size of this gas cloud at
approximately 1,000 times the diameter of our own solar system; there's
enough alcohol out there, they say, to make 400 trillion trillion pints of
beer. These guys are British, mind you; if you were to translate this in
terms of American beer (which the British, with some justification, regard
as fermented club soda), the amount of potential brewski just about doubles. 

   In human terms: remember that double-keg party you threw at the end of
your Junior year in college (the second Junior year)? Imagine throwing that
same party, every eight hours, for the next 30 billion years. You'd STILL
have beer left over. And boy, would YOUR bathroom be a mess! Simply put, no
one could ever drink 400 trillion trillion pints of beer, except maybe
Buffalo Bills fans.

   The sheer volume of all this alcohol begs the question of how it managed
to get out there in the first place.  Continue Reading »